Torn
You never know when love might appear and tear the fabric of your placid existence. Portland is under siege by a mighty two-inch snowfall accompanied by high winds and what the locals consider brutal temps. Many businesses closed unexpectedly due to transportation difficulties and other storm-related circumstances. One of those businesses is Killer Burger. We love KB around here. They are friendly, courteous, and most appreciative. Kind words are exchanged whenever a burger pickup is made. I get the Peanut Butter Pickle Bacon sans the crispy applewood smoked porcine stomach lining and with a veggie patty - a tasty, sloppy mess as well as a weight-watcher nightmare.
As I ratcheted up Uber Eats for a splurge on a holiday Sunday, I saw, to my dismay, that my l'amour du hamburger had closed due to the storm. I scrolled options on UE and picked Portland Burger; they have an enticing web presence and offer:
Amanda; Impossible Patty VEGAN
The Impossible 2.0 Vegetarian burger, Vegan house-sauce, onion, lettuce, tomato, pickle
vegetarian, vegan
A chewy bun topped with Amanda's sassy sauce! With fries a good 1200 calorie blast. But wait, besides the bag of burger delight, PB has declared love for me! Not just some pre-printed phony message or an AI-composed mushy email, but an actual handwritten note. Ben, Heather, Josh, Keisha and presumably Amanda truly are head over heels for Daniel W. As I munched the Impossible smash burger I considered the possible - can one love two burger establishments at the same time. Would that violate the rules? Should I requite? Or would that be amour fou?
As usual, when in doubt I turn to pop music for clarification:
Torn Between Two Lovers
Mary MacGregor
There are times when a woman (feller) has to say what's on her(his) mind
Even though she (he) knows how much it's gonna hurt
Before I say another word, let me tell you "I love you"
Let me hold you close, and say these words as gently as I can
(pardon the peanut butter/pickle drool)
"There's been another man (burger establishment) that I've needed, and I've loved
But that doesn't mean I love you less
And he (PB) knows he can't possess me, and he knows he never will
There's just this empty place inside of me that only he can fill"
Torn between two lovers (burger joints), feeling like a fool
Loving both of you is breaking all the rules
Torn between two lovers (burger joints), feeling like a fool
Loving you both is breaking all the rules
You mustn't think you failed me just because there's someone else
You were the first real love I ever had
And all the things I ever said, I swear they still are true
For no one else can have the part of me I gave to you
Torn between two lovers (burger joints), feeling like a fool
Loving both of you is breaking all the rules
Songwriters: Peter Yarrow, Phillip Jarrell. For non-commercial use only (note: if there are commercial implications for this worthless post then I will gladly pay you Tuesday for the full amount plus a coupon for a burger of your choice).
As I face a future dilemma (once a quarter for a lazy day order) assailed by the vagaries of love, what shall this poor boy do? KB or PB?
PB's B, H, J, K, and presumably A even sent candy:
I'm torn.
danielewalsh 